Vol 6 - UNDetected: NO FACE NO CASE Article Series
UNDetected: NO FACE NO CASE
Vol. 6 – The REAL Pain? Is In The Silence…
By Kandayia Ali - IAMOmni
This is sacred ground—because most people never speak aloud about the silent, invisible weight both the abuser and the abused carry. Not the loud explosions. But the tight, aching tension—the kind that doesn’t scream, but suffocates.
Let’s name some of them: the mental and emotional strains that operate like ghosts in the mind, for both roles—without judgment, but with truth.
FOR THE ABUSED
“I didn’t mean to bother them. I should’ve just kept it in.”
1. Fear of Being a Nuisance – constant inner questions (“Did I say too much?”) leading to apologizing for existing.
2. Emotional Compression – guilt for feeling, repressing both sadness and joy.
3. Chronic Hypervigilance – tracking others’ moods, overthinking, scanning for threats.
4. Mental Exhaustion – CPTSD flashbacks, rehearsing worst-case scenarios, self-gaslighting.
5. Loneliness While Surrounded – unseen even in groups, craving connection but fearing shame.
FOR THE ABUSER
“Why do I feel so angry all the time?” “Why can’t they just leave me alone?”
1. Repressed Shame – core belief of “not good enough” projected outward as attack.
2. Emotional Numbness – emotions dismissed as weakness, hardness worn as armor.
3. Need for Control to Avoid Chaos – manipulation as a shield against inner chaos.
4. Fear of Being Exposed – heavy mask, fear of being seen as wounded child.
5. Isolation by Ego – craving intimacy but pushing it away; pride turns
dominance into loneliness.
The Shared Strain: Two Lives in One House
The abused carries invisibility.
The abuser carries unconscious guilt.
Both look at the same moment and feel different truths:
The abused: “I shouldn’t have spoken. I made it worse.”
The abuser: “Why do they always make me feel like the bad guy?”
In truth, they are both haunted. But only one is being hunted.
Healing Begins With This
For the abused: “I am not a burden. I was conditioned to believe I was.” For the abuser (if they’re willing): “Power isn’t safety. Control isn’t love. I can stop this without dying.”
REMEMBER…
You’re not alone. You’re not weak. You’re waking up.
Reflection Prompts for Vol. 6
1. What silent habits or inner dialogues have I internalized from living in a space of control, shame, or fear?
2. How do I respond when I feel like a “nuisance”—do I shrink, over-explain, or self-edit?
3. Where in my life do I repress my emotions (joy, sadness, anger) to “keep the peace,” and what does it cost me?
4. If I have acted in controlling or dismissive ways, what hidden fear might be beneath that behavior?
5. What would it feel like to live in a home, relationship, or community where my needs and emotions are not burdens but welcome truths?
